Feeling Like You’re Never Enough? The Roots of Perfectionism
- annapsychologie
- May 20
- 3 min read

You tick all the boxes. You work hard. You meet deadlines. You’re the one others turn to when things fall apart.
And yet... you lie awake at night wondering if you did enough. If you are enough.
Perfectionism isn’t about being perfect, it’s about fearing what will happen if you’re not.
What is perfectionism, really?
Perfectionism is often misunderstood as “just being very organized” or “having high standards.” But for many people, it goes much deeper. It’s not just about wanting to do well, it’s about a constant fear of failure, of disapproval, of disappointing others or yourself.
It’s an exhausting inner voice that whispers:
“You should’ve done better.”“That wasn’t good enough.”“Don’t rest, you haven’t earned it yet.”
Where does perfectionism come from?
In therapy, we often discover that perfectionism isn’t a personality trait — it’s a survival strategy that began early in life. Some common roots include:
Childhood emotional neglect or unpredictability
If love and approval were conditional, you may have learned that being “perfect” was the safest way to avoid rejection or conflict.
“I had to earn love. Being myself wasn’t enough.”
Constant criticism or unrealistic expectations
Whether it came from parents, teachers, or cultural pressure, hearing “You can do better” again and again can lead to a belief that you’re never quite good enough.
“Even when I succeeded, it never felt like enough.”
Early roles of responsibility
If you had to be the “strong one,” the peacemaker, or the caretaker from a young age, perfectionism may have become your way of maintaining control and being valued.
“There was no room to mess up. I always had to keep it together.”
What are the signs of perfectionism?
Some signs are obvious. Others are hidden behind what looks like success. Common indicators include:
Fear of making mistakes or being “found out”
Constant self-criticism or comparison
Difficulty resting or relaxing
Procrastination (because if it’s not perfect, why try?)
Difficulty accepting praise
Feeling guilty for taking time off
Never feeling “done” — there’s always more to improve
The emotional cost
Perfectionism may help you succeed in certain areas — but it often comes at the price of anxiety, burnout, low self-esteem, and disconnection from your true self. It can damage relationships and rob life of joy.
Because when “good enough” is never enough, you live in a permanent state of pressure and self-doubt.
How therapy can help
In my work as a clinical psychologist, I support clients in exploring the emotional roots of perfectionism. Using approaches like Schema Therapy, EMDR, and integrative psychotherapy, we can:
Identify the inner critic — and where it comes from
Reconnect with your emotional needs and limits
Reprocess early experiences that shaped your self-worth
Develop a healthier, more compassionate inner voice
Learn to live from a place of value, not performance
Imagine this...
What would life feel like if you didn’t have to earn your worth every day?If you could be proud of yourself without having to prove anything?If rest and joy weren’t things you had to justify?
You don’t have to prove your worth. You just have to meet yourself.
If you’re tired of the pressure to always do more, therapy can offer a space to slow down, breathe, and begin to build a relationship with yourself that is grounded in care — not criticism.
Because you were never meant to be perfect. You were meant to be whole.
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