"Why Do I Keep Making the Same Mistakes?" – How Schema Therapy Can Break the Cycle

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in the same emotional loop — repeating the same mistakes in relationships, overreacting to certain situations, or constantly struggling with low self-esteem, even though you “know better”?

Schema Therapy might be the key to understanding why.

What is Schema Therapy?

Schema Therapy is a powerful integrative approach developed by Dr. Jeffrey Young. It combines elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychodynamic theory, attachment theory, and experiential techniques. At its core, Schema Therapy helps you identify and change maladaptive schemas — deeply rooted patterns formed in childhood that continue to influence how you think, feel, and behave as an adult.

These schemas are like emotional filters: they distort how we see ourselves, others, and the world.

Examples include:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “People will always leave me.”

• “I must please others to be loved.”

• “If I express my needs, I’ll be punished.”

Over time, these beliefs can lead to anxiety, depression, burnout, eating disorders, addictions, or toxic relationship cycles — not because you are weak or broken, but because your emotional survival system was shaped in environments that didn’t fully meet your needs.

Who is Schema Therapy for?

Schema Therapy is especially helpful for people who:

• Repeat destructive patterns in relationships

• Struggle with intense emotions, inner criticism, or chronic self-doubt

• Feel emotionally triggered in everyday situations

• Want to understand their childhood wounds and how they still echo today

• Have tried therapy before but still feel stuck

• Live with borderline traits, complex PTSD, or long-term depression

It’s also ideal for people who are highly reflective but can’t seem to change the emotional “pull” of old patterns.

How does it work?

In Schema Therapy, we explore your life story to understand where certain beliefs and coping strategies began. We then use techniques such as:

• Imagery rescripting: revisiting painful memories and changing them in a safe, guided way

• Chair work: giving voice to different emotional parts of yourself — for example, your “angry child,” your “inner critic,” or your “healthy adult”

• Experiential dialogues: to reconnect with unmet needs and develop healthier responses

Over time, you learn to nurture your core self, reduce emotional overreactions, and build a new narrative based on strength, worthiness, and emotional security.

A simple example:

Let’s say you often feel abandoned when your partner doesn’t reply to a message right away. You might rationally know they’re just busy, but your body reacts with panic or anger. Schema Therapy helps you uncover where that fear started — perhaps in a childhood marked by emotional neglect or unpredictability. Together, we help you heal that wound, so the present stops feeling like the past.

Real healing is not just cognitive. It’s emotional.

One of the great strengths of Schema Therapy is that it doesn’t rely only on insight or logic. It goes deeper — into the emotional experiences that shaped you — and creates new, reparative experiences within the therapy room. You’re not just learning tools. You’re learning to feel safe in your own skin.

If you recognize yourself here...

...know that change is possible. You don’t have to keep repeating the same painful patterns. In therapy, we create a space of empathy, honesty, and emotional growth — where you can reconnect with your needs, find your voice, and rewrite the story you’ve been living.