Why expat loneliness in Munich is different

Many of the expats I work with in Munich are not lonely in the obvious sense. They have colleagues, partners, a few friends, an active life. And yet they describe a particular kind of loneliness that is hard to explain to people back home.

Part of the reason is that loneliness in a foreign city is not only about quantity of connection. It is about which version of yourself the new language and culture allows you to express. Humour, warmth, irony, intellectual range — all of these are partly cultural. Living in a second or third language means living, day to day, as a slightly smaller version of yourself.

Naming this in therapy is often a relief. It is not failure to integrate. It is a structural feature of expat life, and there are ways to soften it.